It’s Been Over A Year…

April 24, 2011

It has been over a year since my last post… and I’m surprised that lots of people still read this blog…

My question is: Do you want more?

Father’s Day Cards

June 20, 2010

I laughed so hard when I got my Father’s day card from my daughter…

D(addy)
A(mazing)
(ra)D(nidge)
D(ude)
Y(o)

S(uper)
C(ool)
O(mazing)
T(all)
T(allest)

see! funny as can be!

Castors for sale…

May 31, 2010

I’ve been staring at our chalkboard in the kitchen for about a week, wondering why my kids write the most random stuff…

My wife has been looking for castors for some furniture, and so she put a reminder up about a good sale coming up. “Castors for sale…” has been a reminder for weeks and weeks… and in the end… we totally missed the sale… dumb I know…
One day, all of a sudden, “you mean beavers…” appeared underneath, and I had no clue what it meant…

And then, all of a sudden… I got it…

Castors is french for beaver… and my daughters, those little francophones that they are… were being funny… and this time… they were funny…

birthday wish

May 18, 2010

For my youngest’s birthday, she wanted ribs for dinner more than anything else in the world. She talked about it for months. She wanted ribs. She told me that in December and January and March… It didn’t matter to her that she doesn’t eat pig, because she wanted ribs damn it…
So on her birthday, and with a lot of coaching, I made ribs… and she said that it was the best meal ever!!!

Who would’ve thought that a kid could be so in love with ribs?
It’s kind of weird…

mother’s day…

May 11, 2010

You gotta love mother’s day… I mean, all those things that kids bring home from school… crafts and necklaces and rings and poems… all sorts of lovely stuff.
Brings a tear to your eye… or gives you a sinking feeling in your stomach… one of the two…

So my youngest gives my wife her present. It’s a bag full of goodies. There was a ring that made my wife’s finger bleed, a bunch of french poems that we couldn’t quite understand, a Peek-a-pooh, some magnet thingies, a booklet of coupons (for future massages, room cleanups, dinner, and something that looked a lot like a half hour of deli-meats… which intrigued both of us) and then a card. And the card was the best, because my daughter had spelled words out of my wife’s name.
It went something like this:
C-Caring
O-Olive
N-Nice
etc…

So when my wife sees the “O”, and then the word “olive” beside it, she asked my daughter why she’d written “olive”.
“It was the only word that I could think of that started with “O”… Oh wait… I should have written “Old” instead… that would’ve been better…”

Yes… it would’ve been WAY better…

not like you

May 6, 2010

We were out for dinner the other day at the Cactus Club. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the place… it’s kind of a mock 20-something formal place where the female servers all wear black with little black skirts and show some cleavage (for the dad’s, who they assume are paying… which is funny… because my wife was paying, and she isn’t swayed by boobs…) with the best bathrooms and expensive burgers… the kids LOVE IT, because the toilets have automatic toilet seat covers, and a fireplace in the washroom… they spend a LOT of time in the washroom…
Anyway…
After our server came by, I said that my wife should work there…
My eldest piped up quickly, saying “but you have to be thin and pretty to work here…”
Then, of course, and never to be outdone, my youngest turned around, standing mid isle and saying loud enough so everyone could hear, “but our waitress isn’t thin at all…”

I’m sure she appreciated that…

ok ok ok

May 5, 2010

So… here’s the deal…

A couple of months ago, I stopped writing this blog because I got weirded out by something that was happening…
It seems like there’s some asswipes out there who like searching for kiddie porn and other nasty shit like that… and guess what… when someone searches for that stuff, then ends up on a blog about parenting and raising kids and funny kids and stuff like that… it shows what the person was looking for in the search items (google analytics is a very helpful and insightful tool…)

So yeah… when I look at my stats and see that someone ended up on my blog and they were searching for “naked little girls”, or “spanking naked girl bums” and stuff like that, it makes me want to a: go apeshit, then run into the basement and find the rustiest mofo nail I can find, nail it into a bat, then trace the IP address and start the man hunt… and b: all of the above, but adding battery acid, a copy of Pulp Fiction, and a Red Bull (for me… energy purposes…)

So here’s the deal… since there’s been almost a 100 visits a day since I stopped and I’ve gotten lots of emails about it… I’m gonna give it another try… but if I find one ounce of weirdness going on… it’s gonna end badly!!!!

you’re grounded

February 10, 2010

The other night, I grounded my youngest daughter twice… and it took me a long time to ground her in the first place (I think there was about 10 warnings that she was pissing me off…) The first grounding was because she was grunting and crying and not helping out in any way… refusal to get dressed, clean up, stop whining etc… In general, being a 3yr old in a 7yr old body…
The second grounding was for looking at me and ignoring me, which is one of my most hated things ever… Don’t look at me and smile and continue in on what you’re not supposed to be doing… I’ll freak out for sure! And I’m sure a lot of my neighbors heard me yelling…
I must remember to not answer the door just in cause it’s Social Services coming to check out all the racket…

So, my point is that she was grounded twice in about 30 minutes… and the funny thing was so was one of her best friends at the same time… which makes me wonder… Is 7 a bad age, are they learning too much at school… are they conspiring at lunch and swapping stories of how they made their mom’s and dad’s eyes twitch and made them head for the wine bottle (don’t forget my favorite bumper sticker: daddy drinks because you cry); did our kids finally learn how to push our buttons and now they enjoy it immensely…
Either way, by my mediocre math skills, my daughter can’t do anything for 3 weeks except eat, sleep and go to school…
And that doesn’t even address my older daughter, who has been banned from ipods, computers, tv, sleepovers, Olympics, movies, play dates and numerous other things…

They’ve figured out how to make me crazy!

talking animals

January 28, 2010

My kids can’t make it through this video without stopping for air…

mispronounce it!

January 25, 2010

A few months ago, we went camping. While driving down the highway, we passed a place that made rock sculptures.
Of course, since the Olympics are coming, every one of the sculptures was an Inukshuk… They’re everywhere, like little rock invaders… they remind me of pet rocks and Cabbage Patch kids… here today and wow gone tomorrow… anyway, in my family, I am in the minority about these things…
My youngest loves Inukshuks, so much so that she yelled “look daddy… numchucks!”

I wish more than anything that the Vancouver 2010 symbol was numchucks… that would rule!


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